Birthday Day......

I had a fabulous, crazy, action packed day!! It.Was.Awesome!!

I got my iPod speakers from mum and dad, and a camera from Michael....and a slow cooker recipe book from the kids - everything I wanted, so I was a super happy camper. Luckily my birthday fell on a daycare day and the kids still had a school so I got to have a free day! Michael took the day off for me, and it was whatever I want day - which consisted of a few hours at Movieworld (he had just bought me a VIP pass), and them a movie.....

Oh yes....I ate soooo much popcorn....hahaha :)

We also got the chace to look at a house we were interested in.....but then, straight back home, pick the kids up from daycare, make dinner - all the fun night stuff....kids in bed, and then off to dancing! I had some great dances!....We went to Three Monkeys after and had iced chocs and sticky date pudding, they put a sparkler on it for me and Michael sang me Happy Birthday....loved it!!

I was exhausted the next day though, had the chance to go knee boarding again with Jack, and I was too tired, only had the energy to go out once, and fell asleep on the tube while Jack went out with the boys!

The next Saturday was party time, and I finally got to wear my dress....last minute prepping as usual, decorations etc, parties kind of freak me out! I am a very grudging host....would much prefer to host someone else's night! My hair was a bit blegh....and I had to wear glasses because for some reason my contacts were irritating my eyes, which sucked a little but its all good. It was sooo good to catch up with some people that I hadn't seen in a while, and so fun to dress up. I would like to have a regular open invite "girls night in" - heels and dresses is mandatory! :)

Anyway so that was my awesome birthday....I am now 30 *sigh* I am a little old......mind you I am almost the fittest I have been in my whole life (last year was better) - so that is pretty cool....There is something about getting older - you feel more comfortable with yourself, your personal style is more developed, and you just feel more sexy....maybe that just lasts for early thirties, maybe when I am 35 I will start freaking out about "oldness". Mind you I still feel 19....but isn't that what they all say??

Post Wild West (hence the awesome hair!) and  Pre-Scooby Doo ride.....my favourite!

Dancing, dancing, dancing....oh yeah! :)

About to cook up a storm

cute party favours I found for my girls

PS. Michael - you are right and I completely forgot about that - Prep Christmas party! Went straight from picking the kids up from daycare back to the school. :)

I Heart.....

....Funky Costume Jewellery!!

I don't have a lot - a bit from Diva (funky but terribly cheap and mass produced), although I am plotting a way to change that :) ....and last night I found this awesome site

I want it all!! Hahaha.....But mostly these gorgeous items:

It's That Time Again....

My birthday is in three days (Yay!!).....and there is no way I am going into year 30 with hair like this!!

Went for an emergency cut a few weeks ago, not to my normal hairdresser thanks to no license, and I am not clued in enough to not get a junior chick to cut my hair!....I felt bad, ok, I wanted to give her some practice - and her haircut would have been fine if I didn't want anything more exciting than a slightly layered bob....anyway, my fault.....but now I have an appointment with a funky hairdresser on the coast, courtesy of mum (her hair is HOT!)

and I can't decide between this

and this......

I love them both (isn't that a song??) - I like the length at the top and the longer on one side thing of the first one, and the second one is exactly what I have been working towards style-wise these last six months - funky with a whole lot of class....but I still can't decide...my appointment is on Tuesday....

Help me!!! :)

PS Having style issues because I just don't want to be blowing my hair every single day for it to look decent, which is what I am doing now....

I Am Legal Again.....

And yes the photo is terrible, I swear its their cameras!

Yay....finally! 

Much thanks to Michael for his kindness in driving me around so I could still do 'fun things' ie dance.....he made it so easy to handle - I feel very spoilt! 

Mind you I have used almost a tank of petrol since Thursday!! - In my defense it is coming up to Christmas (lots to do!) and I was house/school/daycare hunting.

My Ikea Idealism.....

So, I was strolling through Ikea today...(a super cool place because the kids LOVE going there to play as much as I like going there to look) and as usual I was having intense "house fantasies" - imagining how I would have all the rooms in my house decorated.

To me the whole Ikea thing is so 'ideal', every item in its place and colour co-ordinated, even down to the families shopping there - Mums and Dads w/kids, pregnant couples......for a second I had a *sob* moment - me cruising through, fantasizing because I can hardly afford anything there, longing for the 'ideal' in my life.....a complete family, shopping to co-ordinate our world together......then I had a mini epiphany, our/my life isn't 'ideal, and our house is probably going to be filled with mismatched furniture - I then mentally slapped myself, and thought I had better suck up the sooky thoughts about not being married, because I know from experience that it does not solve everything nor does it make my life complete....and I am by far not the only one!.....And you know what, I get to decorate my house however I want, so there! ;)

This is where my decision comes in - I decided that I don't need any of that 'stuff' thanks Ikea, I will embrace the lack of funds, and being a single mum, and celebrate the beginning of my 2nd effort of living 'alone' (as the only decision making adult on the premises) - by choosing to go '2nd hand' in all the stuff that I purchase for our new house. I bet I could find some really awesome stuff!

So if you know of any good Op shops in Brisbane or on the Gold Coast let me know.....and I will be doing some serious garage sailing!

I Wonder What They'd Pay.....

.....to see my heart on display...."

Happy Advent!!!

The calendar is done dude!! 

Mind you, my shoulders ache, I am exhausted and there is glitter everywhere.....I freely admit I am getting lots excited! This years effort is a simple one, but I think the kids will love it - especially just knowing we will be doing a family activity every single day leading up to Christmas...(Ash is going to be stoked, he is always telling me I don't hang out with him enough.) I am just a little bit happy with myself for coming up with 20 different activities (repeating learning a carol, and watching Christmas movies). It does help that school and day care have Christmas concerts and parties we can go to together! :)

Found out today my university transfer has been accepted. Things are about to get crazy - I can feel it! Will start school investigation-ing this week. It is all happening early than I expected - which gives me a little more time to get the "big things" sorted....I feel rather blessed!!

Bring on the Season.

My Advent.....

I was looking for activities I could do with the children leading up to Christmas, and Michael put me onto this advent book....apparently its a story within a story and I can read a chapter to the kids each night.

Now I just have two days to hunt it down!!! I should be able to get the soft cover book (above), but I ideally want the hard cover one which is harder to get....IF I can get it from the library I will try and order the hard cover one....

We/I haven't in the past done many Christmas-y things with the kids, the only traditions we have are watching the church movie "Joy to the World" and driving around looking at the Christmas lights on Christmas Eve....but I want something a little more prolonged. I want the children to understand the spiritual side of Christmas and to completely immerse them in the joy of the season - which I have never really done myself.

So this year I am attempting a simple envelope advent calendar with a scripture, family activity and treat inside. A daunting mission for me, but I going on the premise that "something is better than nothing" so I hope the kids love it! I also want to thrash Christmas carols (yeah baby...) -  my family don't like them, the kids dad doesn't like them - but I do, dang it, and we will SING this holiday season!! :)

This year is my preparation for next year when we will have Christmas on our own - and I want that to be an amazing experience for all of us, so I am starting now.

Wish me luck!! Cause believe me, I will need it!! :) :)

The Fear IS Real...Living In Limbo....

My world is an emotional roller coaster at the moment - some days I am like totally happening and productive - and then others....depressed as anything, don't know how I am going to survive moving out with the kids (money, loneliness etc), don't think I will ever go to the temple, cursing my ex for not being involved and leaving me with all the responsibility I am clearly not cut out for....well, you get the picture....and I think I have figured out why its so extreme at the moment....

I am living in limbo,

in this weird phase of time where I honestly I don't have any idea what the future holds for next week, let alone next year....and it is terrifying....it should be exciting, well it kinda is - a little....but I am mostly worried and scared. 

I wish I could explain it better, and I wish there was someone that fully understood the fears that I am facing - it is all feeling so hard right now that I just want to give up (whatever that means....).....though I do know that if I can just get through it'll be good, I will be blessed for my endurance, my hard work etc - its just getting through that I am struggling with....argh!!

This weird separation from M is killing me, and its worse because I initiated it - so what have I got to be upset about. I feel like this big retard that threw everything away...for what? To get to the temple....which is looking like an unattainable mirage to me right now - and I have been trying to so hard and doing so well!

*deep breathe* I guess there is only one thing to do....

Suck it up, get back up and keep going....ugh!

 

Together We CAN Change The World

"On 11-11, 2010, one million people across the globe will mentally project a unified vision of a new paradigm for our species... a new reality.  The very real physics that connects human consciousness with molecular structure will be harnessed en masse during the largest scale simultaneous manifestation transmission in recorded history."



I don't know what the future holds, but I do believe in the immense power of collective positive energy and visualisation. I believe we are the creators of our future. 

"So what do you think will happen?...And does it really matter what you believe?"

I Am In Love.....

....with my Birthday Dress!!!

But I changed my mind.

I didn't feel like this....

Fit well enough, and looked good enough to justify the $$....

(It still looked great mind you!)

So I got this instead....

(after much running around and some awesome help from Mum and M - due to no license and forgetting the belt when I returned above dress!)

Which looks a little like this...

Super excited - but not going to wear it until my birthday! :)

Rock n Roll Petticoats Mr Anon is referring too - would love one!!!

Dreaming Of Camelot....

Richard Harris - I love Arthur!

 I watched "Camelot" the musical with Michael last night.

Loved it.

Well, yes and no. 

Yes, loved it, but the story is sad and I can't get it out of my head.

I knew it vaguely before - but had never seen it in its entirety....

so tragic.

And I am getting obsessed....

After exams I am heading to the library,

and getting lost in Camelot.

Is There A Better Way To Spend November 6th??....

Today is President Uchtdorf's birthday and someone has started a Facebook group to challenge people to bear their testimony on the internet in celebration - see here.

I don't usually bear my testimony to anyone, let alone in a public forum, so I thought now is as good a time as any. :) 


I was raised in the gospel - but have spent the last ten years half going to church or not at all. Enough time to realise I am not happy or at peace with myself without the gospel being a central part of my life. Growing up, even though sometimes life felt hard, and through the tumultuous emotional ride that was my teenage years - the spiritual aspect was the only part of my life I was completely sure about. I can't help occasionally wishing for that kind of spiritual assurance again....

Although my testimony/faith is nowhere near as strong as it once was, I can't deny its existence - I cannot deny the whisperings of the holy ghost and the feeling of absolute awesomeness whenever I hear the prophet, President Thomas S Monson, or any of the apostles speak. They truly are men of God called to guide us in our day. The Book of Mormon is the word of God, every time I read from it I am blown away - I have never read a book so powerful and perfect in its teachings. 


Joseph Smith was an amazing man, I believe all that he said he saw, that he was a prophet of God, and under His direction brought the fullness of the gospel back onto the earth once again.  I am grateful for his faith, determination, example and sacrifice for what he knew to be true, right up until his martyrdom. 


I am grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and for the love that my Father in Heaven has for me - and I know that he knows me, really knows me, and that my life has a unique purpose. I know that He has prepared a way for me to return again to live with him. On many occasions I have recognised his hand in my life - and I know that I am never completely alone. 


This is my testimony, I hope that you feel the spirit of it. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

This Has Made My Night....

Hayley Westenra is amazing.....

The Saddest Thing I Know....

I think about my ex husband a lot.

Not always in the forefront of my mind....mostly just hovering about the perimeter, but he is there. Its hard not to when I look at my children (our children) and the way they look, the things they like, and what they do....I see him in all of them.

I hate that he is so messed up....and I hate that he doesn't seem to know how much. It really is the saddest thing. The few times I have seen him I have wanted to cry. To know the kind of person he was to what he has become, its devastating. Not just in his behaviour, his appearance/countenance shows the most startling change...I am surprised and grateful that the children still love him, still go to him, still accept him, and recognise him for who he is to them....their father, who loves them the best way that he can.

I am writing about this now because I heard Part 2 of the Rhianna and Eminem song "Love The Way You Lie" for the first time on the radio on the way home - It's really powerful, and I find it easier to listen to than the first one....which is way too intense. Though they still dredge up the same memories, this one is less brutal and graphic. It bothers me that these songs connect with so many people, because it's obvious that so many have lived with violence in their relationships....and that sucks.



I really respect Eminem - though there are a lot of his songs that I cannot listen to, due to the hardcore verbally graphic nature of them. He reminds me a lot of the children's father. I think Eminem is extremely  talented...and if you listen to this interview with Rihanna here, she describes the things that I see in him as well (and she says it a lot better). She mentions that there seems to be so much going on in his head that without music as an outlet for him, basically he would be a  really messed up guy...and expressed what I like about him too, his brutal honestly and the way he confronts himself in his music. These are things I see in my ex-husband - his art is his outlet for his deep thinking mind...except somewhere along the way he has lost himself. To me he is a genius. I know so much of what is in his head and what he can contribute to society - all of which will be lost if he can't get it together at some point....and I truly pray that he does. It really would be the saddest thing I know if he died and was not able to share his talents or live up to his potential.

Every time I hear this song below I think about him - and its exactly how I feel....I just wish I could say it to him, or shake him or something....



Dudery, I really do hope you wake up in time.

There Is No Going Back Now.....

Believe me I tried.....M said 'no' and that I needed to do this. Thank you for being awesome and not giving me a way out - and especially thank you for staying my friend...even if you did make me sit in the backseat! ;)

I have to admit I did have my own little miracle yesterday morning after balling (again) in the bathroom and feeling like I  really couldn't take it anymore -  I got a msg from a friend (its a little bit of a rare occurrence, so...wow)  who I had been wanting to catch up with for ages and was available to come and visit that day...exactly what I needed! Having a big talk and eating loads of brownies (me) really helped. Note: recipe for surviving the initial brutality of heart ache - brownies/chocolate, supportive friends and exercise, for endorphins (but also to counteract the brownies!), and a dash of distraction - thank goodness for children and their need to be looked after!

I definitely will not have letting go of such an amazing man (you have no idea!) be for nothing - so my focus for 2011, and starting from now, is to get to the temple. No looking back, no distractions - its on!

So...

I need a game plan - just general "say you prayers, read your scriptures" doesn't really cut it with me - I need specifics....Is there anything I can read/do that will be super helpful initially? I will discuss (and reconcile - since I have been kind of angry...oops) with Bishop, but any advice is most welcome....I cannot allow my life to linger on the fence any longer (try 10 years...ugh), its honestly excruciating!

This all may seem a little revealing (and rather bizarre to all my non latter day saint friends and family), but to me this is what blogging is all about - sharing and learning from each others experiences....warts and all!

Achy Breaky Hearts....

Hurting people you love sucks big time....I swear there isn't many worse feelings than that.

I just broke up with the most amazing man I have ever been with - if you asked me why, right now, I couldn't give you a logical reason....because everything hurts. But I do have my reasons, and for me to be my best self at the moment, I don't see any other way....Oh, how I wish it could be different!

I just wanted to put it out there how instrumental and valuable his presence has been in my life over the last year and a bit - it all hasn't been for nothing - far from it! He showed me how I should be loved, and the selfless consideration and generosity associated with that. He showed me stability, and the possibility of complete emotional security and confidence within a relationship - I had never had that. He treated me with respect and kindness and would do almost anything to make me happy....the amount of kms his has clocked for me has been phenomenal! He taught me how to dance, that was a massive can of worms, I hope he was prepared for that! :) He showed care for my angry/sad ex-husband and made it possible for the kids to see him. He has been wonderful with the kids, and they love him also. He gave me someone to cook for, and it has been my pleasure to serve him!....

He has been an amazing friend to me, and I am sorry he got me at a time in my life that was/is so full of confusion, but I am forever grateful to him for sticking by me through those hard moments when I truly didn't deserve his care - I have never felt so special and 'worth it' to someone else - that I could actually be loved, and deserved to be, faults and all.

I hope he knows that I appreciate him, and that hopefully when the hurt subsides we can find a way to stay friends - I truly want that more than anything....and can we still dance together!?!

You will always rock my world and I promise I won't go chasing 'douche bags'!! xx

Where My Girls At??

 OK, so I am having major girlfriend withdrawals.....I see and talk to Michael a lot, and my mum is around and we "talk" occasionally....but I am really missing girl time - I haven't chatted (on the phone or otherwise), or hung out with a close girlfriend for ages!

There are things I need to talk about, and I am starting to wig out.....

Where my girls at??....Cause I need you!

My Weekend - In All Its Awsomeness....Holy Swingtimate!!

Michael and I with Kyle and Sarah - they are super cool :)
Kyle totally reminds me of Jason Segel  (How I Met Your Mother,
Forgetting Sarah Marshall) He is a crack up!!
Their teaching chemistry is awesome!

 I hate to say it, but my weekend started on a bit off a downer :( On the first night of dancing I was super depressed and ready to leave....uh not good! I reckon it may have been a combination of having a private lesson the night before and realising how much I had to work on, and being around so many fantastic dancers (seriously, the standard is high!). I felt like a little fish in a massive pond and that I sucked....badly...*sigh* But after moping around for about an hour (not cool)...I managed to get my groove back and have a good night. I think that was mostly due to watching Kyle and Sarah's lead and follow performance, which was absolutely mind blowing by the way! (Sarah is tiny, but man that girl can move!)....The highlight of that night for me was dancing with Brady Stanton - he came up from Adelaide to run some workshops with us (I love his crazy smooth footwork!) back in March when I hadn't been dancing for long.....and basically I danced with him and completely crashed and burned (it was horrific!), I couldn't follow him for anything...But Friday night, we had an excellent dance, and I totally redeemed myself (believe me I had been dance fantasising about this moment for 6 months!! - ummm that's not creepy at all!)...hehe....yay!!

All the workshops were brilliant, (the Sunday ones were my favourite!) I loved the theory, the technique drills/warm ups and the patterns....ahhh the patterns, they were so incredibly funky! The last workshop was "BYOS (Bring Your Own Style)" which was awesome, and the main thing that I love about west coast - you can totally blend it with whatever style you rock - a few of my favourite dances were with a guy who came from a rock and roll dance background - his footwork was so cool!!  This is where I am coming from.....


I LOVE Kenny Wormald!...and no, I am not that good :) - but that is the kind of style I bring, and I love that I can incorporate my own personal groove into WCS. 

My brain was extremely full by the end of Sunday and I may have snapped a little at Michael when he insinuated I was the reason he couldn't get the hand position right....oops...:) (love you!)...by that time I don't think I could hold anymore info, a swift kickbox to the head was on the cards for anyone that tried to give me advice at that point...hehe....

And the best part....

The Saturday night dance party was off tha hook!!! It went until 2am, but I swear I could have gone all night...and for the record, it has been a few years since I have been able to say that! :) The comp was fun, and a little nerve wracking - Michael was freaking out a little before hand - he thought he had lost his dancing mojo and couldn't remember his repertoire of moves :)....but he was excellent! We didn't place, but its all good, it was our first comp together and I loved being able to dance with someone I knew and felt comfortable to play around with. The music was wow!....my favourite song of the night was "Spiritual Thang" by Eric Benet....

Sunday morning - not much sleep, but I was still on a high
Glasses are HOT! ;)

 Sorry for all the gushing!!! But it really was an amazing weekend...I still don't feel like I can fully express how this dancing makes me feel, I get really emotional about it - I love the unity of an event like this, everyone sharing their passion and own style. I feel so incredibly blessed to be able to learn from some of the best dancers in the world and to be able to express myself through dancing.

Anyways...bla bla bla....check this out....

I was always wondering what all this Flash Mob business was about, but now I know - I love it!!  This same west coast routine is being taught all over the world, I saw this Sunday morning, after talking to Brady about it the night before, and got all choked up - I seriously don't know why but I love this kind of thing - its probably that its people of every age and every background coming together in one dance style for an awesome, unified moment.....Brisbane flash mob - I'm in!!

Swingtimate 2010 Is Here....Finally!

What is Swingtimate you ask??

A weekend of workshops, dance parties and demonstrations hosted Raw Connection West Coast Swing, but the invitation goes out to all interstate dancers as well...For Swingtimate the workshops are being taken by the awesome Kyle Redd and Sarah Vann Drake....Check them out....



PS Kyle is a couple of inches taller than me (with dance shoes on) and Sarah is tiny!! 

This time I wasn't going to miss out on an opportunity to learn from such fantastic dancers, so Michael and I booked in for a private lesson with Kyle last night - I was soooo nervous! But it was excellent - We have only been dancing this style about 10 months so as a couple we needed a lot of work. Kyle was awesome though, he worked on some basics that would really improve our dancing, more specifically our lead and follow....Michael and I are competing as a couple this time in the Strictly Swing comp (last time I competed in the Jack and Jill aka dance with a stranger)....should be fun dancing with someone I am so familiar with.

So much to think about and the weekend hasn't even started yet!!....By Sunday afternoon I will be a sore footed drooling vegetable....yay!!!

Today I have been packing (staying down at Michael's for the weekend) and making myself all pretty (painted toe nails, a touch of fake tan on my glowing legs, waxed eye brows etc - the things we do! haha) , and of course a bunch of cleaning so I can leave with the kids clothes all put away and their rooms tidy....

Can you tell I am excited!?!? haha....I can't wait to learn and to dance with so many different people! Love it!! To think that a year and a half ago I didn't know that this style of dance even existed!

Wrecked but super stoked when I got home last night

 - It begins...

You know I will update on all the awesomeness when I get back! :)

Planning and Count Down Begins....

Two and half (ish) more months until the big move....!!

So its too early to find a house, but my uni transfer is in - I will find out early December if I have been approved - fingers crossed because everything pretty much depends on that....

I am getting available houses sent to me daily from realestate.com.au so I know what my options are when the time comes.

My brain is going crazy, I have things popping into my head all the time that I need to organise or find so that the move and settling in goes as smoothly as possible like...

find a school and daycare
find a farmers market
see what church ward we will be in  (there are a few in the area I think)
list my house requirements so I  know exactly what I am looking for (ie YARD for the kids to play in)
resume cataloging furniture and household "stuff" that I do have and what I am missing (starting from scratch is mind blowing!)
step up my savings - spend nothing outside direct needs (uh...Christmas!....luckily I have part of the kids presents already...and I definitely don't need anything!!)


I don't want to spend this time being stressed or anxious or anything - this our adventure! After more than two and a half years we will finally be on our own!


How Exciting!!
 

Chocolate Birthday Cake - Review

 As you can see I am not the queen of icing cakes....but I like the rustic look, so its all good. :)

I remade the cake again last night because the icing was a little runny the first time.....It was SOOOO GOOD!! 

The cake is moist but not overly rich (just how I like it).....Two thing to note, 1) I would make sure the chocolate used in the icing is 70% cocoa....anything less makes the icing a little too sweet....and 2) I had left over icing both times - Nigella is an icing fiend!

This will definitely be added to my small, but awesome, repertoire of desserts, being - the best ever brownies, pavlova, and cheescake I have ever tasted - don't you doubt it! ;)

 Two sticky chocolate thumbs up! Enjoy.

Happy Birthdays.....

Tomorrow Amelie turns 6 - but we are having her birthday dinner tonight....just family and a couple of friends....

I am making this cake.....

Old fashioned chocolate cake - Nigella Lawson recipe

A rather huge contradiction to my clean eating post previous! I was actually hunting out diabetic or healthy cake alternatives, but father insisted that it was her birthday and it was a one off etc etc....SO

I thought I would make it worth my while....*wink*

Mind, Body, Soul.....But Today, Mostly Body...

 I always have so many things I want to share but I don't seem to regularly find the time that it takes for me to compile my thoughts enough to coherently get them out in those moments of inspiration....but today seems to be the day. Friday, that is - uni is done for the week so I don't feel the pressing need to do anything in particular (except clean, but that will get done...), a good day for blogging.....yay.

Over the last 6 weeks or so I have began to clean up our family's eating. It all began with reading this book - but the more I thought about it, the more important the concept became to me. I have mentioned this a few times before, mum is studying to be a herbalist...but more specifically, she has come to understand the vital connection our bodies have to our minds and our spirit, and wants her eventual practice to involve treatment of all these aspect of ourselves as a whole.

I got to thinking about this on a more spiritual level. Quite a few of us are aware of the idea that our spirit (or soul, whatever you want to call it) on its own has a comprehension and power that far outreaches our current physical understanding. We are bound by the capabilities of our bodies - aside from simple mobility, our mind effect our moods and emotions, our ability to learn, and to retain and process information - they truly are the most complex machines! Even in our bodies most optimal condition it would present a handicap to the understanding and power of our inner selves. Life, I believe, is challenging enough without the additional limitations of an under functioning body.

Most of us would not let our car go without the occasional service or fixing parts that are not working, because frankly we understand that without it our our freedom is limited. However, for some reason our bodies continue to function (not very well mind you) even with constant abuse and lack of care...is this why it so easy for us to disregard the correct upkeep and fuel for this magnificent machine? (Don't worry I am totally including myself in this!)...I don't know, but for me life IS hard enough - so that is way I decided to make the change.

The foods we have access to now are a far cry from what was eaten 50 years ago. Our foods are pumped full of chemicals, preservatives, toxic fats and sugar - seemingly with little regard for their effects on our bodies. Yeah, perhaps it won't kill us (instantly), or have any major or obvious effects (mostly....well, aside from obesity, and the sharp increase in the early onset of diabetes!)  - so I wonder what are all these additives really doing to us and our children? I don't for a second suppose that the majority of food manufacturing (hmmm...isn't there a problem when food has to be manufactured???) companies have my health interest first on their list.


But anyway....

I am going clean. The definition of that being as natural and fresh as possible, with very limited sugar and plenty of wholegrains - if I had more cash I would probably go organic too (though I aim to start a vegetable garden at our new place). I am getting used to having no sugar in my  nightly Caro and on my breakfast, and there are quite a few recipes out there for desserts that aren't loaded with sugar - oh how I love the internet! (but that is another post...) White bread and white pasta and rice haven't been seen in this house for awhile and I like it! I am actually not quite sure what to do with the left over white pasta and rice, because I just don't want to eat it....haha So far its been great - not too hard....I don't want to be a freak about it though, because I don't want it to feel like a 'diet' and that I am not 'allowed' to have certain foods - occasionally I do,  but mostly I just don't want to....on the plus side, my skin is looking good!!

Something to think about maybe....? :)

R U OK?

Today is RUOK? Day  - Take the time to remember that there are lots of people around us who have lost hope and are hurting....badly, and some who may be on the brink of giving up, permanently.  Maybe we have noticed something but don't know what do....don't ignore it, speak up - we probably won't be able to solve their problems, but a caring ear can make a world of difference. Any suicide rate is too high!

We are not responsible for other peoples actions, but brotherly love is our responsibility and its not hard to care.

So be honest and be aware, and check in with your family, friends, work mates, and yes, even strangers....

How are you feeling? R U OK....Really?

Holiday Goodness.....Super Fun 5000!

Ok...after the initial stress and anxiousness of that first day - our trip has been AMAZING!! The kids had a fun time with their father, with only one 'episode'...thank goodness, and Michael handled it so well....the ultimate boyfriend test. :)

During our trip so far....

I was able to be a tourist....

Oh how I love Salamanca Markets!!

catch up with old friends....

gorgeous Vanessa - miss you already!

Amber, Louella and Maddy - awwww your girls are the sweetest!! Had a great catch up and stayed to celebrate Bethany's birthday.

 
made new ones.....

with Michael nephews, Jai and Cameron, and some others we just met at the park - I love park! :)

and enjoyed awesome family time.....

The cousins - minus a few, will miss having extended family (with children) around....

Amelie and Jack with Jane - she couldn't wait to see her Aunty Tash - awwww :)

Jack and Elliot

Ash on the flying fox - did I mention I/we love park? :)

AND couple time (woohoo!)....

Uh huh, I am not letting go of this gorgeous man! ;)....taken when cruising down to Southport (super south Tasmania) enjoying the beautiful scenery...

 This has been the most relaxing, fantastic, fun holiday EVER!!! Seriously, I have never been so un-stressed, happy, comfortable....and so loved and in love (*cough* did I just say that?? - and no that doesn't mean we are engaged, in case you are wondering *wink*)

Currently spending time with Liz (sister in law) and her boys (pics pending)  - will miss them so much!

Then...

On to Melbourne tonight - with a town trip and Tim Burton - genius! -  exhibition planned for tomorrow, with Michael and the kids....Yay!! 

AND

Just talked to Michael  - and he will watch the kids so I can go to a West Coast Swing class in Melbourne tomorrow night - be still my heart!! haha....double yay!! (he is squeezing in some modern jive action before he picks us up from the airport tonight - and yes dancing is the way to my heart - apparently - hehe)

Why Me??

So I am finally in Tassie....and I don’t want to be here....The roads and landmarks are all tainted with horrible memories that seep into everything I look at. 

The older two kids are with their father, and I honestly don’t know if its against my better judgement or not. (oh the awfully confusing grey areas of life!!) They are staying with a couple I don’t know and I only feel somewhat at ease because they have children too and I talked to the mum and I trust her....but I have only just met her, so what do I really know!?!  The kids were very excited to see their dad – which is great for them....Meanwhile my chest is tight, I can barely breathe and I feel one step away from a panic attack.  It’s going to be a long 24 hours.  I can only pray everything will be ok – but experience tells me that with HIM I can’t even pray for that.....so I will pray that most importantly the kids are safe, and happy spending time with their father.  I will TRY to stay calm – and remind myself that I do have a backup plan if things get complicated....*sigh* I HATE this....

Pinup Gurl.....

I finally had an opportunity to go to the funky shop (which is fittingly called 'That Shop') in Burleigh, on the Gold Coast,  that mum had been telling me about. According to her, it was 'right up my alley'.....

She was right, I loved it.....and put a deposit down on this dress....

 My justification - I turn 30 at the end of the year, and I am going to celebrate working hard and looking good enough to wear it. ;) 

.....And I have been loving these pinup style dresses for ages....

Happy Birthday to me!

4 am.....

I have a feeling me and this time of morning are going to have a very deep and meaningful relationship over the next couple of years.

4 am - it's still dark and a little cold  - a time when I can study in peace with a fully functioning brain....ahhhh it is actually quite blissful! I get so much quality work done!

I am hopeless at nights (after 7pm to be precise....), I have no motivation, and my brain is basically fried from the kids intermittent screaming, silliness, and constant chatter ....though I love them dearly. :) I much prefer to go to bed at 9pm or earlier (if I am lucky) and get up at this magic hour, make a pot of herbal tea and get stuck into it.

After, if I am feeling super perky I will go for a treadmill run or deck workout and enjoy the sunrise from our awesome view. 

All before 6.30am. (I only do crazy early 3 times a week - though more when I have assignments or exams)

Thank goodness I am a morning person!!

What's Inspiring Me At The Moment.....

The Clean and Lean Diet.....

Its brilliant - Its not a book I would have picked up on my own. I owe it all to Mum and her massive 'mind body soul' book addiction. (Her collection is seriously huge!) After hearing her dropping random tidbits of info from her reading and changing her exercise plan I got a little curious.

Exercise wise it promotes leanness - not excess muscle, and  no slogging it out at the gym or on the treadmill....but regular (3 times a week) light weight sessions super easy to do at home. Coupled with whatever exercise you like to do, that doesn't stress your body out (I am cutting back my running) and a bit of yoga. The sessions definitely get your heart rate up and feel so good (you will look HOT! - I promise) and are in four stages (with the first one being weight free), so you can work your way up. I am doing the second at the moment - and have been for about a month (?) I haven't been doing them as regular as I want, but I am getting there.

The 'diet' (not really a diet, but a way of eating all the time) - cutting out Caffeine, Refined sugar, Alcohol and Processed foods....C.R.A.P :) with an emphasis on organic food, antioxidants, and good fats. It makes sense and is rather hard, but your body will love you for it!! (Note: sugar is soooooo baaaad!) Bizarrely, but maybe not so bizarrely, it points out how important it is to chew you food completely - as that is how you get your nutrients and you will notice the difference, especially in your stomach. I eat so fast normally, and I have to keep reminded myself to focus and slow down.

Anyway, Its super brilliant and I just wanted to share it with everyone!!! Check out this link here....it talks about the book and has a clip of James Duigan showing the right technique for some awesome fat burning/toning exercises (squats, push ups, lunges etc).


Check.It.Out if you want to look good, have loads of energy, be really healthy and feel great!

My Father The Hero.....

I am really loving Father's Day this year - I am exploding with big love and appreciation for my Dad's awesome-ness.

My working, surfing, movie watching, mowing in his speedos, creative cooking, Bridge to Brisbane running, big sook, pistachio eating Dad.
  

Back in the day  - me (holy cheeks!) and my Dad before my Formal

He's been by my side through all the good bits and the hard bits - he doesn't tell me what to do (mostly...*wink*) and lets me live my life and make my own decisions, wrecks and all. 

He is also a super G'dad to the kids, and even more so because their Dad isn't around. He takes them to the beach, up to O'Reileys, to the movies at least once every school holidays, last night he took them to Riverfire on his own.

He really is my Hero. Love you Dad.

PS. Making yummy pancakes for breakfast (Dad styles - with beaten egg whites), and looking forward to Dad's Choice dinner - smoky BBQ ribs and sticky date pudding....oh yeah! :)