And So It Starts....

Back at Uni and oh.my.goodness!! It's Friday of the first week and I am in the library, taking a break from, reading about the 'concepts of justice'....*snore* I would much prefer to talk about them than read about them! Mind you, there probably wouldn't be much talking, because as always I am alone at uni....*cough* loser *cough*... I try to set goals for myself to talk to people - but really....I don't think its going to happen!! There is one older woman that has been through one or two of my classes each semester and we chat...so yeah...not a total lost cause on the social front.

Still kinda losing my mind - my 7 (8 next week) year old and I are in constant battles....I am actually having trouble making myself go out and buy him a birthday present because I am so cross at him all the time...*sigh* I feel awful...I am so sick and tired of the not listening and the tantrums...Most of the time I am a drooling mess after school drop off because the morning was soooo exhausting!

On the upside of the birthday thing is that since its Birthday Week, all my meals are planned until Tuesday...Although because I forget about it when I went grocery shopping I totally blew my budget cause I had to go shopping again...! arrrgh....thank goodness he picked 'dipping egg' for dinner tonight!

But... a wonderful tender mercy before I left the house this morning - My study calendar and diary arrived! So Yay! I ordered mum and I some online last week, and that is where I fell in love with Curly Girl....

This one makes me a little teary...oh...trying to let it go and live imperfectly....

Only Slightly Bonkers....

Its only the morning of the second official day of the summer holidays and the children are driving me nuts!!

I tried to tell my son yesterday that its not that I hate spending time with them - they are super awesome little people and I am completely enamoured by their brilliant personalities - its just that these wonderful personalities are ofttimes sometimes hidden by bickering, whining,  selfish stomping demands etc....and they are the traits that I don't want to hang out with! However, the more I think about this, the more I think of all the negative traits of mine that they endure day in and day out - and the difference.....

They still want me around all the time!!

And on top of that, think that I am a most excellent mother!

*sigh* 

I honestly have so much to learn from them.....

Why Me??

So I am finally in Tassie....and I don’t want to be here....The roads and landmarks are all tainted with horrible memories that seep into everything I look at. 

The older two kids are with their father, and I honestly don’t know if its against my better judgement or not. (oh the awfully confusing grey areas of life!!) They are staying with a couple I don’t know and I only feel somewhat at ease because they have children too and I talked to the mum and I trust her....but I have only just met her, so what do I really know!?!  The kids were very excited to see their dad – which is great for them....Meanwhile my chest is tight, I can barely breathe and I feel one step away from a panic attack.  It’s going to be a long 24 hours.  I can only pray everything will be ok – but experience tells me that with HIM I can’t even pray for that.....so I will pray that most importantly the kids are safe, and happy spending time with their father.  I will TRY to stay calm – and remind myself that I do have a backup plan if things get complicated....*sigh* I HATE this....

In My Head.....Stories....

Occasionally before bed I tell the kids a made up story....(very occasionally!). But they remember them and always talk about them, even ones from back when we were in Tassie. According to them, I am a brilliant storyteller....and I don't quite get it. To me my stories are ghastly (I can't even retell the plot of a movie properly without losing the entire feel and story in translation!), they never make sense, and they are filled with lots of "ummms". I would honestly be embarrassed if anyone heard me telling them.

What I think the children love about them - 

They get to be the main characters

  The setting is always the Island of Soder (for Jack)

There is always a kingdom (so Amelie can be a princess) 

And a chance for heroism (Ash, of course)....

So yay for the small things that make us amazing to our children. I hope, for now while they are young, these stories make up for at least some of my parenting stumbles....