Sunday, February 26, 2012

Distance Makes The Heart Grow....

I have not seen Michael since Wednesday morning, he will be home tonight at about 9pm-ish and today is our first anniversary. I think its the longest he has been away since we have been married. The longest before that was when he went to New Zealand to pick his son up from his mission.


It's all good....(well mostly good - I need to teach him that a simple reply text to my early morning 'Happy Anniversary' one would have got a lot of husband points, instead of just returning my 4.10pm call....but anyway....working on it!)

Back to its all good, because it really is. I have missed him a lot since he has been away, but the space gave me time to notice how much I had changed since we first met. I have flourished, no doubt about it, and I know that it has been his constant love and support that has given me the confidence to stretch myself and to be more of what I know I can be. 

The thing is, I know Michael knows it, and I know he feels super chuffed that he could be that for me. I really noticed it today sitting at church - I managed to get the kids all ready for church and be early/on time, I had a lesson to teach and I wasn't freaking out! Not to mention I am about start a full on semester at Uni and study up for a tax consultancy job mid-year - and I think I can do it!

In this past year I have had more growth than I have had in the last 7 years! Don't get me wrong, I have been strengthened by the trials, the heart ache, the loneliness, the bad (really bad) decisions - it has been refining for me. And I wouldn't be right here, right now, feeling this good without them. My life or my spiritual progression over the past 3 years (for me they are synonymous - if I am in a good place spiritually all areas of my life are doing well and prospering) reminds me of parts of the allegory of the Olive Tree taught in Jacob 5 (from the Book of Mormon - learn more about it here)...It is actually about the scattering and gathering of Israel.

Jacob 5
verse 65
And as they begin to grow ye shall clear away the branches which bring forth bitter fruit, according to the strength of the good and the size thereof; and ye shall not clear away the bad thereof all at once, lest the roots thereof should be too strong for the graft, and the graft thereof shall perish, and I lose the trees of my vineyard.

verse 73
And there began to be the natural fruit again in the vineyard; and the natural branches began to grow and thrive exceedingly; and the wild branches began to be plucked off and to be cast away; and they did keep the root and the top thereof equal, according to the strength thereof. (italics added)

There was a time about 2 years ago when I was trying to rapidly progress with coming back to church, (I think it had to do with a boy *sigh* - Side bar: Ladies/Gents, do not let anyone rush you to be what you are not ready to be!! If they will not love you for who you are and where you are at - let them go!!) but still was not ready to let go of other parts of my lifestyle - needless to say I crashed and burned. Although it was hugely discouraging, the truth was...I just wasn't ready. 

Now is different though - I do feel like my progress is equal according to my strength and I appreciate and love Michael immensely for sticking by me and letting me be me, taking my life at my own pace, and loving me all the while. 

In my own funny, distracted way - this is my Valentine's/Anniversary gift to him - ME....evidence of the strength, beauty and goodness of our union.

Be Mine????

Saturday, February 11, 2012

The Hard Things, And A Not-So-Good Day....

Yesterday didn't start off too well....My very-almost 9 year old was having a friend sleep over for his birthday and I was super cranky because the play room and the children's room were a mess and I was sick of cleaning up after them....bla bla bla....and the husband and I had had a 'conversation' about our finances which didn't do anything to improve my mood. I was quite possibly hormonal to add to it - so as you can see, the outlook for a productive day was pretty grim.

I was taking my 21 yo step-daughter to the airport and dropped the kids pretty early (8.05am) to school on the way. (I like to give them little opportunities for independence and responsibility - the older two were to look after the 5 year old and take him to class.)

I was trying to mentally motivate myself all the way to the airport, whilst having a mini bonding experience with B, which was pretty cool. (She has recently moved back in to our place - and its good to have her back...)

I wasn't getting anywhere with the motivating so I called Mum who was holidaying with Dad down the road, hoping for some sort of distraction to delay my day. They already had plans and I was welcome to tag a long but I declined and then proceeded to sob it out in the car. As I was heading home (after some calls to Michael - men can be so insensitive sometimes!! - and more sobbing), I heard the traffic was bad on the highway so I made a detour which lead me straight past Babushka's house. She is 87 and awesome, and there was no way I could drive by without stopping for a visit regardless of how average I was feeling. She was really happy to see me and promptly offered me food. After 2 piroshki (mince filled bread pocket things) and some jarlsberg cheese (is there anything better?) I was feeling loads better emotionally, though still a bit queasy from all the stress.

We chatted about sewing and the bean bag I wanted to make, she took me into her sewing room to go through her materials to find a suitable fabric. Babushka's sewing room is brilliant! We settled on a roll of cream curtain material with red/pink flowers on it (to match my red cushions and dusty pinkish-brown leather couch. I then mentioned my struggles with trying to figure out how to fix my couch - the underneath of the middle seat was ripped and it had become a sink hole. I wanted to stitch it but I didn't have any thread strong enough and I was concerned I would need an upholstery needle. We talked, she found me some thread and gave me tips on sewing through the leather with a normal needle.

I had found my motivation!!

After the short visit my spirits were lifted considerably and I was all pumped to fix my couch. However, on the way home I was so incredibly sleepy that it was almost dangerous - so I fell into bed on my return. After 15minutes, which felt like a blink, I got a call from Master very-almost nine's school saying he wasn't feeling well and wanted to come home. I had my reservations - he had had a late night (we went swimming and had dinner with Mum and Dad) but how can you argue when your child has gone to sick bay and the school calls you?? So I went to pick him up - then I was doing my couch.

And I did.

And it feels awesomely normal to sit on.

It took me two hours of stitching and pricking myself.

But I did it!

I didn't get a whole lot of anything else done except a brief tidy, some grocery shopping and dinner (home made pizza at the birthday boys request) - but the satisfaction of a long-put-off-job completed will last me, at least, the whole weekend!

Which leads me to a bit of a side track - why do I/we leave things to the very last minute? To the point that the said task because so urgent that there is not other choice but to do it? I could have fixed the couch ages ago when the rip wasn't even half as bad as when I fixed it (did I mention I fixed the couch???)

I also did my Brazil Butt Lift this morning after a long while of not doing it because the DVD died - easily remedied with Michael's AV receiver. I don't know why I stopped, especially since I got results! Why did I have to wait until my butt became unbearable (to me), to start again??

So many questions!

But the point is - I found my motivation, and beat that not-so-good day - and fixed my couch!

It feels good.