Friday, October 29, 2010

There Is No Going Back Now.....

Believe me I tried.....M said 'no' and that I needed to do this. Thank you for being awesome and not giving me a way out - and especially thank you for staying my friend...even if you did make me sit in the backseat! ;)

I have to admit I did have my own little miracle yesterday morning after balling (again) in the bathroom and feeling like I  really couldn't take it anymore -  I got a msg from a friend (its a little bit of a rare occurrence,  who I had been wanting to catch up with for ages and was available to come and visit that day...exactly what I needed! Having a big talk and eating loads of brownies (me) really helped. Note: recipe for surviving the initial brutality of heart ache - brownies/chocolate, supportive friends and exercise, for endorphins (but also to counteract the brownies!), and a dash of distraction - thank goodness for children and their need to be looked after!

I definitely will not have letting go of such an amazing man (you have no idea!) be for nothing - so my focus for 2011, and starting from now, is to get to the temple. No looking back, no distractions - its on!


I need a game plan - just general "say you prayers, read your scriptures" doesn't really cut it with me - I need specifics....Is there anything I can read/do that will be super helpful initially? I will discuss (and reconcile - since I have been kind of angry...oops) with Bishop, but any advice is most welcome....I cannot allow my life to linger on the fence any longer (try 10 years...ugh), its honestly excruciating!

This all may seem a little revealing (and rather bizarre to all my non latter day saint friends and family), but to me this is what blogging is all about - sharing and learning from each others experiences....warts and all!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Achy Breaky Hearts....

Hurting people you love sucks big time....I swear there isn't many worse feelings than that.

I just broke up with the most amazing man I have ever been with - if you asked me why, right now, I couldn't give you a logical reason....because everything hurts. But I do have my reasons, and for me to be my best self at the moment, I don't see any other way....Oh, how I wish it could be different!

I just wanted to put it out there how instrumental and valuable his presence has been in my life over the last year and a bit - it all hasn't been for nothing - far from it! He showed me how I should be loved, and the selfless consideration and generosity associated with that. He showed me stability, and the possibility of complete emotional security and confidence within a relationship - I had never had that. He treated me with respect and kindness and would do almost anything to make me happy....the amount of kms his has clocked for me has been phenomenal! He taught me how to dance, that was a massive can of worms, I hope he was prepared for that! :) He showed care for my angry/sad ex-husband and made it possible for the kids to see him. He has been wonderful with the kids, and they love him also. He gave me someone to cook for, and it has been my pleasure to serve him!....

He has been an amazing friend to me, and I am sorry he got me at a time in my life that was/is so full of confusion, but I am forever grateful to him for sticking by me through those hard moments when I truly didn't deserve his care - I have never felt so special and 'worth it' to someone else - that I could actually be loved, and deserved to be, faults and all.

I hope he knows that I appreciate him, and that hopefully when the hurt subsides we can find a way to stay friends - I truly want that more than anything....and can we still dance together!?!

You will always rock my world and I promise I won't go chasing 'douche bags'!! xx

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Where My Girls At??

 OK, so I am having major girlfriend withdrawals.....I see and talk to Michael a lot, and my mum is around and we "talk" occasionally....but I am really missing girl time - I haven't chatted (on the phone or otherwise), or hung out with a close girlfriend for ages!

There are things I need to talk about, and I am starting to wig out.....

Where my girls at??....Cause I need you!

Monday, October 25, 2010

My Weekend - In All Its Awsomeness....Holy Swingtimate!!

Michael and I with Kyle and Sarah - they are super cool :)
Kyle totally reminds me of Jason Segel  (How I Met Your Mother,
Forgetting Sarah Marshall) He is a crack up!!
Their teaching chemistry is awesome!

 I hate to say it, but my weekend started on a bit off a downer :( On the first night of dancing I was super depressed and ready to leave....uh not good! I reckon it may have been a combination of having a private lesson the night before and realising how much I had to work on, and being around so many fantastic dancers (seriously, the standard is high!). I felt like a little fish in a massive pond and that I sucked....badly...*sigh* But after moping around for about an hour (not cool)...I managed to get my groove back and have a good night. I think that was mostly due to watching Kyle and Sarah's lead and follow performance, which was absolutely mind blowing by the way! (Sarah is tiny, but man that girl can move!)....The highlight of that night for me was dancing with Brady Stanton - he came up from Adelaide to run some workshops with us (I love his crazy smooth footwork!) back in March when I hadn't been dancing for long.....and basically I danced with him and completely crashed and burned (it was horrific!), I couldn't follow him for anything...But Friday night, we had an excellent dance, and I totally redeemed myself (believe me I had been dance fantasising about this moment for 6 months!! - ummm that's not creepy at all!)...hehe....yay!!

All the workshops were brilliant, (the Sunday ones were my favourite!) I loved the theory, the technique drills/warm ups and the patterns....ahhh the patterns, they were so incredibly funky! The last workshop was "BYOS (Bring Your Own Style)" which was awesome, and the main thing that I love about west coast - you can totally blend it with whatever style you rock - a few of my favourite dances were with a guy who came from a rock and roll dance background - his footwork was so cool!!  This is where I am coming from.....

I LOVE Kenny Wormald!...and no, I am not that good :) - but that is the kind of style I bring, and I love that I can incorporate my own personal groove into WCS. 

My brain was extremely full by the end of Sunday and I may have snapped a little at Michael when he insinuated I was the reason he couldn't get the hand position right....oops...:) (love you!) that time I don't think I could hold anymore info, a swift kickbox to the head was on the cards for anyone that tried to give me advice at that point...hehe....

And the best part....

The Saturday night dance party was off tha hook!!! It went until 2am, but I swear I could have gone all night...and for the record, it has been a few years since I have been able to say that! :) The comp was fun, and a little nerve wracking - Michael was freaking out a little before hand - he thought he had lost his dancing mojo and couldn't remember his repertoire of moves :)....but he was excellent! We didn't place, but its all good, it was our first comp together and I loved being able to dance with someone I knew and felt comfortable to play around with. The music was wow! favourite song of the night was "Spiritual Thang" by Eric Benet....

Sunday morning - not much sleep, but I was still on a high
Glasses are HOT! ;)
 Sorry for all the gushing!!! But it really was an amazing weekend...I still don't feel like I can fully express how this dancing makes me feel, I get really emotional about it - I love the unity of an event like this, everyone sharing their passion and own style. I feel so incredibly blessed to be able to learn from some of the best dancers in the world and to be able to express myself through dancing.

Anyways...bla bla bla....check this out....

I was always wondering what all this Flash Mob business was about, but now I know - I love it!!  This same west coast routine is being taught all over the world, I saw this Sunday morning, after talking to Brady about it the night before, and got all choked up - I seriously don't know why but I love this kind of thing - its probably that its people of every age and every background coming together in one dance style for an awesome, unified moment.....Brisbane flash mob - I'm in!!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Swingtimate 2010 Is Here....Finally!

What is Swingtimate you ask??

A weekend of workshops, dance parties and demonstrations hosted Raw Connection West Coast Swing, but the invitation goes out to all interstate dancers as well...For Swingtimate the workshops are being taken by the awesome Kyle Redd and Sarah Vann Drake....Check them out....

PS Kyle is a couple of inches taller than me (with dance shoes on) and Sarah is tiny!! 

This time I wasn't going to miss out on an opportunity to learn from such fantastic dancers, so Michael and I booked in for a private lesson with Kyle last night - I was soooo nervous! But it was excellent - We have only been dancing this style about 10 months so as a couple we needed a lot of work. Kyle was awesome though, he worked on some basics that would really improve our dancing, more specifically our lead and follow....Michael and I are competing as a couple this time in the Strictly Swing comp (last time I competed in the Jack and Jill aka dance with a stranger)....should be fun dancing with someone I am so familiar with.

So much to think about and the weekend hasn't even started yet!!....By Sunday afternoon I will be a sore footed drooling vegetable....yay!!!

Today I have been packing (staying down at Michael's for the weekend) and making myself all pretty (painted toe nails, a touch of fake tan on my glowing legs, waxed eye brows etc - the things we do! haha) , and of course a bunch of cleaning so I can leave with the kids clothes all put away and their rooms tidy....

Can you tell I am excited!?!? haha....I can't wait to learn and to dance with so many different people! Love it!! To think that a year and a half ago I didn't know that this style of dance even existed!

Wrecked but super stoked when I got home last night
 - It begins...
You know I will update on all the awesomeness when I get back! :)

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Planning and Count Down Begins....

Two and half (ish) more months until the big move....!!

So its too early to find a house, but my uni transfer is in - I will find out early December if I have been approved - fingers crossed because everything pretty much depends on that....

I am getting available houses sent to me daily from so I know what my options are when the time comes.

My brain is going crazy, I have things popping into my head all the time that I need to organise or find so that the move and settling in goes as smoothly as possible like...

find a school and daycare
find a farmers market
see what church ward we will be in  (there are a few in the area I think)
list my house requirements so I  know exactly what I am looking for (ie YARD for the kids to play in)
resume cataloging furniture and household "stuff" that I do have and what I am missing (starting from scratch is mind blowing!)
step up my savings - spend nothing outside direct needs (uh...Christmas!....luckily I have part of the kids presents already...and I definitely don't need anything!!)

I don't want to spend this time being stressed or anxious or anything - this our adventure! After more than two and a half years we will finally be on our own!

How Exciting!!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Chocolate Birthday Cake - Review

 As you can see I am not the queen of icing cakes....but I like the rustic look, so its all good. :)

I remade the cake again last night because the icing was a little runny the first time.....It was SOOOO GOOD!! 
The cake is moist but not overly rich (just how I like it).....Two thing to note, 1) I would make sure the chocolate used in the icing is 70% cocoa....anything less makes the icing a little too sweet....and 2) I had left over icing both times - Nigella is an icing fiend!

This will definitely be added to my small, but awesome, repertoire of desserts, being - the best ever brownies, pavlova, and cheescake I have ever tasted - don't you doubt it! ;)

 Two sticky chocolate thumbs up! Enjoy.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Happy Birthdays.....

Tomorrow Amelie turns 6 - but we are having her birthday dinner tonight....just family and a couple of friends....

I am making this cake.....

Old fashioned chocolate cake - Nigella Lawson recipe

A rather huge contradiction to my clean eating post previous! I was actually hunting out diabetic or healthy cake alternatives, but father insisted that it was her birthday and it was a one off etc etc....SO

I thought I would make it worth my while....*wink*

Friday, October 15, 2010

Mind, Body, Soul.....But Today, Mostly Body...

 I always have so many things I want to share but I don't seem to regularly find the time that it takes for me to compile my thoughts enough to coherently get them out in those moments of inspiration....but today seems to be the day. Friday, that is - uni is done for the week so I don't feel the pressing need to do anything in particular (except clean, but that will get done...), a good day for blogging.....yay.

Over the last 6 weeks or so I have began to clean up our family's eating. It all began with reading this book - but the more I thought about it, the more important the concept became to me. I have mentioned this a few times before, mum is studying to be a herbalist...but more specifically, she has come to understand the vital connection our bodies have to our minds and our spirit, and wants her eventual practice to involve treatment of all these aspect of ourselves as a whole.

I got to thinking about this on a more spiritual level. Quite a few of us are aware of the idea that our spirit (or soul, whatever you want to call it) on its own has a comprehension and power that far outreaches our current physical understanding. We are bound by the capabilities of our bodies - aside from simple mobility, our mind effect our moods and emotions, our ability to learn, and to retain and process information - they truly are the most complex machines! Even in our bodies most optimal condition it would present a handicap to the understanding and power of our inner selves. Life, I believe, is challenging enough without the additional limitations of an under functioning body.

Most of us would not let our car go without the occasional service or fixing parts that are not working, because frankly we understand that without it our our freedom is limited. However, for some reason our bodies continue to function (not very well mind you) even with constant abuse and lack of this why it so easy for us to disregard the correct upkeep and fuel for this magnificent machine? (Don't worry I am totally including myself in this!)...I don't know, but for me life IS hard enough - so that is way I decided to make the change.

The foods we have access to now are a far cry from what was eaten 50 years ago. Our foods are pumped full of chemicals, preservatives, toxic fats and sugar - seemingly with little regard for their effects on our bodies. Yeah, perhaps it won't kill us (instantly), or have any major or obvious effects (mostly....well, aside from obesity, and the sharp increase in the early onset of diabetes!)  - so I wonder what are all these additives really doing to us and our children? I don't for a second suppose that the majority of food manufacturing (hmmm...isn't there a problem when food has to be manufactured???) companies have my health interest first on their list.

But anyway....

I am going clean. The definition of that being as natural and fresh as possible, with very limited sugar and plenty of wholegrains - if I had more cash I would probably go organic too (though I aim to start a vegetable garden at our new place). I am getting used to having no sugar in my  nightly Caro and on my breakfast, and there are quite a few recipes out there for desserts that aren't loaded with sugar - oh how I love the internet! (but that is another post...) White bread and white pasta and rice haven't been seen in this house for awhile and I like it! I am actually not quite sure what to do with the left over white pasta and rice, because I just don't want to eat it....haha So far its been great - not too hard....I don't want to be a freak about it though, because I don't want it to feel like a 'diet' and that I am not 'allowed' to have certain foods - occasionally I do,  but mostly I just don't want to....on the plus side, my skin is looking good!!

Something to think about maybe....? :)

Thursday, October 7, 2010


Today is RUOK? Day  - Take the time to remember that there are lots of people around us who have lost hope and are hurting....badly, and some who may be on the brink of giving up, permanently.  Maybe we have noticed something but don't know what do....don't ignore it, speak up - we probably won't be able to solve their problems, but a caring ear can make a world of difference. Any suicide rate is too high!

We are not responsible for other peoples actions, but brotherly love is our responsibility and its not hard to care.

So be honest and be aware, and check in with your family, friends, work mates, and yes, even strangers....

How are you feeling? R U OK....Really?