There Is No Going Back Now.....

Believe me I tried.....M said 'no' and that I needed to do this. Thank you for being awesome and not giving me a way out - and especially thank you for staying my friend...even if you did make me sit in the backseat! ;)

I have to admit I did have my own little miracle yesterday morning after balling (again) in the bathroom and feeling like I  really couldn't take it anymore -  I got a msg from a friend (its a little bit of a rare occurrence, so...wow)  who I had been wanting to catch up with for ages and was available to come and visit that day...exactly what I needed! Having a big talk and eating loads of brownies (me) really helped. Note: recipe for surviving the initial brutality of heart ache - brownies/chocolate, supportive friends and exercise, for endorphins (but also to counteract the brownies!), and a dash of distraction - thank goodness for children and their need to be looked after!

I definitely will not have letting go of such an amazing man (you have no idea!) be for nothing - so my focus for 2011, and starting from now, is to get to the temple. No looking back, no distractions - its on!

So...

I need a game plan - just general "say you prayers, read your scriptures" doesn't really cut it with me - I need specifics....Is there anything I can read/do that will be super helpful initially? I will discuss (and reconcile - since I have been kind of angry...oops) with Bishop, but any advice is most welcome....I cannot allow my life to linger on the fence any longer (try 10 years...ugh), its honestly excruciating!

This all may seem a little revealing (and rather bizarre to all my non latter day saint friends and family), but to me this is what blogging is all about - sharing and learning from each others experiences....warts and all!