I think about my ex husband a lot.
Not always in the forefront of my mind....mostly just hovering about the perimeter, but he is there. Its hard not to when I look at my children (our children) and the way they look, the things they like, and what they do....I see him in all of them.
I hate that he is so messed up....and I hate that he doesn't seem to know how much. It really is the saddest thing. The few times I have seen him I have wanted to cry. To know the kind of person he was to what he has become, its devastating. Not just in his behaviour, his appearance/countenance shows the most startling change...I am surprised and grateful that the children still love him, still go to him, still accept him, and recognise him for who he is to them....their father, who loves them the best way that he can.
I am writing about this now because I heard Part 2 of the Rhianna and Eminem song "Love The Way You Lie" for the first time on the radio on the way home - It's really powerful, and I find it easier to listen to than the first one....which is way too intense. Though they still dredge up the same memories, this one is less brutal and graphic. It bothers me that these songs connect with so many people, because it's obvious that so many have lived with violence in their relationships....and that sucks.
I really respect Eminem - though there are a lot of his songs that I cannot listen to, due to the hardcore verbally graphic nature of them. He reminds me a lot of the children's father. I think Eminem is extremely talented...and if you listen to this interview with Rihanna here, she describes the things that I see in him as well (and she says it a lot better). She mentions that there seems to be so much going on in his head that without music as an outlet for him, basically he would be a really messed up guy...and expressed what I like about him too, his brutal honestly and the way he confronts himself in his music. These are things I see in my ex-husband - his art is his outlet for his deep thinking mind...except somewhere along the way he has lost himself. To me he is a genius. I know so much of what is in his head and what he can contribute to society - all of which will be lost if he can't get it together at some point....and I truly pray that he does. It really would be the saddest thing I know if he died and was not able to share his talents or live up to his potential.
Every time I hear this song below I think about him - and its exactly how I feel....I just wish I could say it to him, or shake him or something....
Dudery, I really do hope you wake up in time.