My world is an emotional roller coaster at the moment - some days I am like totally happening and productive - and then others....depressed as anything, don't know how I am going to survive moving out with the kids (money, loneliness etc), don't think I will ever go to the temple, cursing my ex for not being involved and leaving me with all the responsibility I am clearly not cut out for....well, you get the picture....and I think I have figured out why its so extreme at the moment....
I am living in limbo,
in this weird phase of time where I honestly I don't have any idea what the future holds for next week, let alone next year....and it is terrifying....it should be exciting, well it kinda is - a little....but I am mostly worried and scared.
I wish I could explain it better, and I wish there was someone that fully understood the fears that I am facing - it is all feeling so hard right now that I just want to give up (whatever that means....).....though I do know that if I can just get through it'll be good, I will be blessed for my endurance, my hard work etc - its just getting through that I am struggling with....argh!!
This weird separation from M is killing me, and its worse because I initiated it - so what have I got to be upset about. I feel like this big retard that threw everything away...for what? To get to the temple....which is looking like an unattainable mirage to me right now - and I have been trying to so hard and doing so well!
*deep breathe* I guess there is only one thing to do....
Suck it up, get back up and keep going....ugh!