My Four and a Half Year Plan

I am definitely not an everyday organised person, but I am 100% mad for a long term plan. It gives me something to focus on and helps me get through all the life bumps that come my way.

I graduated from university in 2018 and that was my last long term plan. I have had a bit of a case of the 'now whats' since then. I had got a job straight away and felt like a superstar - unfortunately it didn't go so well and I lasted only a year. Since it was the job I had always wanted, it shook me up a bit.  Also, because that is the area I trained in it was hard to convince other employers that I wanted to do something else, even if it was still in the same field. I really had no idea what I wanted, so opened myself up for any and every opportunity, and was unemployed for 2 months. I received a phone call and scored myself a job in the same industry, but on a smaller scale - same same but different. It's been just over a month and things are going well, I think. But now I need a new plan!

Two things - I need more education and I am not the biggest fan of where I live. I went to North Sydney a few months ago for a weekend and ended up crying in a cafe because the area was so cultural and the the houses were so different. I live on the Gold Coast, all the houses look exactly the same and all the people (although lovely) pretty much dress exactly the same and it straight up doesn't excite me at all. Functionally the location is good, we are close to things, the kids walk to school and I am 8 minutes from work. It works for now but it is not where want to stay.

Education wise, I need to do my CPA or IPA or CA - if I want a job anywhere else EVER. It is just how it is - although I am not too keen for it. I would rather do a graduate diploma at university, but that will have to wait. I chose to do my CPA and I start it in a few months. Apparently that will take a couple of years, 2.5 maybe?

So here is my four and a half year plan.....(four and a half years because that is when my youngest graduates high school and we won't be tethered to the area anymore).

 - Do my CPA
- Get some solid work experience
- Move my family to the suburbs of North Melbourne. North because it is closer to Fitzroy, the arty part of Melbourne which I really dig the vibe of. Ok, so I haven't been there, but I have done a ton a research - Also, I have decided Michael and I are going to go down for a sneaky weekend early next year to check it out! - And by research I mean, I have already figured out the suburb I want to live in. (It is important to note that when I get an idea in my head - I got hard!)

The Rose Street Artist Market - Fitzroy

I absolutely do not want to leave any of my kids behind when we go. My eldest will be almost 22 and I am trying to entice them with the cooler weather, living near an awesome city and near a university if my youngest wants to go. I know there is a possibility that the 2 older kids won't want to come, but if they don't I am assuming that means they will be independent enough to stay by themselves - which is a good thing! (But understand, I do not want that to happen!)

My long term plans are always flexible - I know things change, and I definitely know the things I want for myself change all the time. But having something to look forward to, to save up for, and milestones to check off my list feels really good.

Melbourne 2024!

Emerging...

Hi.

 I feel like I have woken up from a deep sleep...at least I hope I have. You know in movies where someone wakes up, at least they think they do, but then realises it is just a dream within a dream?Yeah, crossing everything its not that!

I have been feeling varying levels of rubbish for the last two and a half years. I wrote about it in my last post, and it all seems to have began around here. I felt like I was slowly, slowly drowning in thick mud and there was nothing I could do, save from using all my energy to stop from going fully under. I didn't love the things I used to love *church, dancing, running, baking/cooking, blogging...you know...living*...and I couldn't find anything to replace them. I felt deeply heavy. I was stressed, angry and I just couldn't be bothered. I couldn't write because I felt so ashamed with how I was feeling. I was scared of being judged. I couldn't open myself to that. So I isolated myself at home. I absolutely felt I had little control over the spiral downwards.

It seemed to all come to a head this last 6 months when my physical health started to fail. Getting intensely sick over winter, the weird arthritis in my knee *it is still not any better, but I remain hopeful.* Although I had lost the desire to do the things I once loved - I now was completely unable to do some of them. You know, there is only so much crying and whingeing that you can do before you have to suck it up...hard, and just accept the situation. I have cried so much in the last 6 months - I am so bloody over it! The unknown terrifies me...and not knowing what was going on with my body or how long it would last...was awful!

I have no idea why any of this happened, although between years of prolonged stress *kids/law school/life* and some crazy stuff going on in my birth chart - Thanks Saturn in Sagittarius!! - it all makes a little more sense. *It turns out Saturn left Sagittarius on the 20th December 2017*

What has changed tho?

I kind of knew about the havoc Saturn was causing me but I wasn't really monitoring it or even really had the energy to figure out how to manage it. Last week something changed inside me, quite suddenly. I had a major assignment due, and although I was really enjoying the subject - summer school was killing me. I was really shouty, and I couldn't get into the Christmas vibe at all - my family was really suffering. I woke up last Wednesday morning filled with self loathing and a feeling of 'I am SO done with this!!!' was creeping in. I dropped my Financial Planning subject on Friday - I wanted to be more for my family for Christmas...and I needed a serious holiday!  I shopped, I baked and I cried. I really miss the person that I used to be.

Over the last couple of days I am starting to get some of those old feelings back. I have been craving a run soooo bad! I still, at the moment, cannot run with the condition my knee is in, and I have lost a lot of fitness not being able to do as much...but I can distinctly remember the feel of the road under my feet, how good it felt to push myself and have that regular personal head space,  and the absolute exhilaration I felt every time I finished a long run. I want that again! I also want to bake, to create, to blog! *to do all the things!*

There are some things that I am still not feeling though...as much as I love dancing, I don't, right now, feel like I want go back to West Coast Swing. *freestyle competition was just not right for me, I pushed too hard to make it fit...and my self esteem took quite a battering* Church wise, I still feel spiritually empty - and I am not sure what I want to fill that space with yet...I guess I will just feel my way and see what resonates with me.

Source: 'The Butterfly Transformation II' - Niklas Gustafsson

This image and title seems very appropriate. This is my second transformation. The first was when I first started this blog. *Interestingly its been almost 7 years exactly since I started writing - want to read from the beginning?*

As I emerge this time, I feel 'same same, but different' -  new, delicate and curiously wonderful!

Now What?...

I hate that my last blog post has sat there echoing awkwardly for the last couple of years. I have started a few drafts since then - but really it was more of the same. It seems I have been on a bit of a spiral downwards since the end of 2014 - I feel like I can almost pinpoint it. There was no specific event...everything just slowed down and got harder....I stopped dancing *I wasn't enjoying it anymore*, study was getting to be more of a grind, I stopped going to church regularly....Maybe I was burning out? *I have been studying since 2009* But I honestly don't really know. I am on a ton of supplements etc to manage my stress levels and to stop me getting depressed. I really hope it gets easier when I finish university!

At the moment I just feel shaken up. Like something is about to happen. I am all tumbled upside down.

I perhaps stupidly, took on a full study load this semester - I was so close to the end I thought loading up just before my final year would be a good idea. To avoid a massive amount of stress at the end. If I survive the next fortnight, I should be good. So cross everything for me....please!

For some reason, have been sick one way or the other since the end of June. I don't get sick often *at all* so it has been hard to get used to, being forced to change the way I live my life....FAST. Trying to juggle a million balls with everything falling into place, at the very last minute. My swollen leg has meant my gym time has had to change....no more Combat....for the time being. That was really hard to deal with. Its a stress release that I rely on....my one and only constant - it always makes me feel good and powerful and capable. It also helped me manage my body size - to some degree. I have had to just let go - I do upper body weights a couple of times a week but that is it. When you can't do something, you can only fight so much against reality - eventually you just have to accept it. I am lucky I didn't have a blood clot....but still....I have cried a lot this last month. I mean I don't know how long this is gonna last, and I am flat out just doing physical housework, dinner, kids etc

Then 2 days ago - my phone died. it felt like the last straw - I mean.... come on!! My phone is my life - my connection to the outside world. I completely broke down - I literally cannot handle anything else. I haven't figure out how to fix this yet - Super Stud has given me his pad for my online use. I need to get it sorted, but I also have 3 assignments to do....SOOOO....

Now I feel like I have zero fight left.... If there is anything else to come - come at me! I am adjusting and I am ok. Life is about changing, right?

I Can't Breathe....

“Sometimes I sit alone under the stars and think of the galaxies inside my heart and truly wonder if anyone will ever want to make sense of all that I am.”

- Christopher Poindexter

I am lonely. Unbearably lonely.


I have found myself talking to my 12 year old son in the car just to have someone to chat to. Its rather awkward, because he's 12, and a boy, and doesn't really care. Although since he loves me a whole lot he tries really hard to be engaged. I give him mad respect for that. My husband, Super Stud, although a total Rockstar and who does some lovely things for me in total selflessness, is not very chatty - at all - and seems to have little need for friendships.


It is common knowledge that I am rather prolific on Facebook, but in all honestly my online presence is the only social interaction I have - and even that is very one sided. I just spew my life and thoughts out in countless little posts. It is utterly depressing, and not satisfying at all. I may be quite introverted, but I crave and thrive on human connection. Why do I exist otherwise?

Truthfully, I don't have a lot of time - but anyone is welcome to dinner, to cook with me, to drink with me, hell, to be my penpal...whatever - Let's get real together.


The result is that I am internalising everything I feel and want to say and as a consequence, despite my regular Facebook word vomits and shares, I am drinking too much - alone, eating too much - alone, watching too much, in order to try to escape myself. Daily I mentally dabble with the idea of running away to a place where people really don't know me. To max out Super Stud's credit card and jump on a plane and disappear.


My kids are keeping me going each day. Keeping me HERE. They need ME, they love ME, they think I am funny and they want to hang out with me....all the time! I wish that satisfied me too, but it doesn't.


The way I feel about my depression is the way I felt about living with domestic violence - its not bad enough. Its cyclic. I have plenty of good, busy days. I don't need my head shrunk, I can cope. I can get out of bed, I feed my family, I clean, I do my homework, I exercise. The bad days don't last.


Instead it's a fight to do all the things I do and I can't breathe....

And So It Starts....

Back at Uni and oh.my.goodness!! It's Friday of the first week and I am in the library, taking a break from, reading about the 'concepts of justice'....*snore* I would much prefer to talk about them than read about them! Mind you, there probably wouldn't be much talking, because as always I am alone at uni....*cough* loser *cough*... I try to set goals for myself to talk to people - but really....I don't think its going to happen!! There is one older woman that has been through one or two of my classes each semester and we chat...so yeah...not a total lost cause on the social front.

Still kinda losing my mind - my 7 (8 next week) year old and I are in constant battles....I am actually having trouble making myself go out and buy him a birthday present because I am so cross at him all the time...*sigh* I feel awful...I am so sick and tired of the not listening and the tantrums...Most of the time I am a drooling mess after school drop off because the morning was soooo exhausting!

On the upside of the birthday thing is that since its Birthday Week, all my meals are planned until Tuesday...Although because I forget about it when I went grocery shopping I totally blew my budget cause I had to go shopping again...! arrrgh....thank goodness he picked 'dipping egg' for dinner tonight!

But... a wonderful tender mercy before I left the house this morning - My study calendar and diary arrived! So Yay! I ordered mum and I some online last week, and that is where I fell in love with Curly Girl....

This one makes me a little teary...oh...trying to let it go and live imperfectly....

Fun Times...

I appear to be in the grasp of some sort of anxiety at the moment. Which is why I am writing, hoping that this can be some sort of therapy. When I wake up in the morning I feel so overwhelmed I want to go back to bed, and I have this heavy icky feeling deep in my stomach.

I don't know totally why I am feeling like this, I am on university holidays after all. The kids go to school and I have the whole day to myself - so yay - my house should be spotless and I should be totes relaxed....or something. 

 I know I am nervous about going back to school - the holidays are so long and I forget how to study. This is on top of already feeling like I can barely handle my children now - (and other grown up concerns,...), how am I supposed to do it while I am back school with a full time study load?? When I think of the kids/my life I think of a tornado out of control and I am just fighting to survive.

Yes my home is clean and reasonably tidy, I make my bed everyday, I work out regularly, I get my kids to school on time, I make lunches, I bake muffins, I make dinner most nights....but the problem is, afterwards I am left feeling exhausted and I have starting drinking (1 or 2 drinks takes the edge off) almost every night to deal with the stress. Which of course is a terrible thing because that is not what good Mormon mums do...right? Cue more stress and more guilt!...

I spoke to my Naturopath mother (so ridiculously grateful for this smart woman!) and she informs me that I am self medicating with alcohol, something about my neurotransmitters, and how stress affects important brain processes. So my supplements have been adjusted so I am giving my body what is really needs instead of subbing in alcohol.

BUT - still, if this is my stress now, what about when school goes back in a week? How do I manage it????

So its almost 7am - and I didn't go back to bed. I have fiddled around with the printer because it hasn't been working lately and I REALLY wanted to print this rad FREE To Do List from Art By Jaz Higgins, a local Brisbane artist. Check out her gorgeous work here.

The first thing on my TO DO list today is : Get a new colour cartridge for my printer!!

A Life of Adventure....?

Do you ever wish you could vicariously live someone else's life?......

I guess that is a little bit of a stupid question - because of course! The evidence is firmly in our cultural obsession with movies, books, TV shows etc....

You see, I was having this thought lying in bed at approx 8.30am - because I didn't really feel like getting up and getting on with my day....it is a public holiday for us - The Show Holiday - although I haven't really seen much advertisement for it this year....and we are not going. But, public holidays are good, because we are all at home, without the usual Saturday or Sunday commitments...

Anyway, so I was lying it bed being a bum and quite enjoying it after a couple of 3am study sessions this week...and thinking about how it would be nice to trade my life for some adventure....However, the point is that it is now 3 hours later and I have put on and hung out washing, swept the floor, cleaned the kitchen, cleaned the toilets, made my bed, chatted to the neighbour, dusted the living area, denied Amelie's request to cook in my clean kitchen, then reneged and let her cook as long as she didn't need supervision (a chocolate cake is in the oven - I can smell it now!), and had a shower and made myself presentable....oh yeah and bought tickets to Soulfest and called hubby a few times and tentatively tried to organised an early father's day celebration for tomorrow....

I don't have time to live a life of adventure!! I still have a long list of things to do  - the usual 'taking care of my family' business, including a couple of hours of law reading and an online quiz to do by midnight....so by the time I finish everything I will be totally shagged and all I will want to do is vicariously get involved in someone else's emotionally tumultuous, adventure of a life via TV or the book sitting next to my bed. 

Hmmm....

I currently wish I had more eps of this...."Outlander"

Exposed.....

As it turns out, I haven't blogged properly for over a year....What stopped me was feeling like I had to edit myself for the few people that actually read it, and know me socially. I felt like some of them  (definitely) wouldn't be able to identify with things that I was/am dealing with and would judge me as a being weird, self absorbed or shallow.

So I just closed myself off.

It wasn't just blogging either...over the past six months I have done it with church as well. I don't think it was about someone, but they were probably the catalyst - another woman disapproved of something that I was sharing with members of my local congregation and deemed it inappropriate.....I did not agree and I know others didn't either. But the fact that I was sharing myself and my talents, and because it had taken effort to expose that part of myself - it really burnt.

I guess it is a not so unfamiliar feeling to others - but I hate being disapproved of, my self esteem cannot handle it. So I usually just avoid situations or exposing things about myself that can warrant disapproval....

I have to admit, it is quite exhausting - for starters people disapprove of the darndest things, and there is another part of myself that just wants to be open and carefree 'this is who I am!!!' - consequently, I feel regularly torn and angry with myself.

Argh!!!

All of these emotions are still very real to me - I still feel intensely insecure and not good enough/don't fit in for church, dancing, friends, my family (parents, brothers, step-children), my children, university - I get anxious/depressed over ridiculous things and I drink at every social opportunity (although social drinking opportunities are infrequent) because I am getting more and more socially awkward and I just want to be around people and feel relaxed and not care what others think of me!


*Sigh*.....I would love to be free to be more unashamedly real.....

Long Time No See....

Hello Blog, it's the day after, the day after Christmas, and I have been thinking about  you.....I think it's time we saw each other a little more....

Its been almost a year since I have written anything - I put too much pressure on myself to Gratitude daily and I couldn't keep up, so I quit. Standard procedure.

Over the last month I have been blog writing in my head - I miss it.

No pressure this time.

365 Days of Gratitude: Days 68 - 78

So I have dropped the ball a little....Last, last weekend was a bit eventful. I was released from my calling as a Primary Teacher, well that actually happened this Sunday because of last Sunday.

The last few weeks of Sunday teaching for me had been getting harder and harder. I was completely bogged down by feelings of obligation in almost every area of my life. I would be preparing my lesson on Sunday morning and thinking "I don't want to be doing this...", "how I can I testify and teach about this principle if I am just not feeling it?" Church for me is different from other aspects of my life, the rest just grind on no matter how I am feeling, but my religious experience is so completely dependant on my spiritual health. This means that in order for me to fully serve my Primary class and I need to be nourished. And yes, I know we are all up and down sometimes with our commitment and attention to spiritual things but I didn't feel like I was getting any better. I started not wanting to go to church at all.

This all came to a head on that Sunday. I had 12 children to teach because one of the other teachers wasn't there. It happens, teaching is a voluntary role. Which was fine, really, because it was my old class so I knew them well. The problem started when I realised that I had prepared the wrong lesson, because I have been away for 2 weeks (one for a dancing commitment and the other, because I just couldn't drag myself there) and I misjudged where we were up to. The children had already had the lesson that I was about to teach. So instead of rehashing it I decided to have a quiz.

I am not a person that functions well thinking on my feet, so it was a little messy from the beginning. What made it worse was that two brothers that I normally have my individual classes who are fine by themselves, together were a nightmare! They were hiding under chairs and and being totally distracting. We are not a school, not qualified teachers so we do not discipline - if we encounter bad behaviour (this was a first time for me) we are required to take the child to their parents. Problem is these two boys would not listen, the wouldn't come out of class at all. Eventually the Primary President came in took control - and I was happy to give it, but them I was barely holding it together.

After class I was a wreck. I sat it the toilet, crying and praying. I couldn't do it any more.

I didn't want to ask for a release, because that just isn't done, well it is, but I guess it shouldn't be. At least that it how I felt. You accept you calling to serve until it is over. The flip side was that if I couldn't stop teaching I was going to stop going to church. I was hiding from all of the Primary ladies but one found me and took me to the mother's room and I cried again as I shared with her how I was feeling. Like a complete failure, that's what! She told me that it was far better for me to stop teaching than to stop going to church over it. She also expressed her gratitude to me for being such a reliable teacher over the past year - and told me not to feel like a failure. (Trying to!) It was important for me to take care of myself  first.

So I walked out of church that Sunday relieved and completely grateful.

Then I took a break. Blogging had started to feel like an obligation too. Instead stopping however I have decided to modify - I think I need reduce my posts to every second day, or every week. I will see how it goes.

These past 11 days I have been grateful for....

My blow up that Sunday. For without it being so difficult nothing would have come of it and I would still be trying to grind on, feeling worse every week. I am grateful for the opportunity to get back to me and to focus on my spiritual experience every Sunday.

Surviving another week of school. It always feels like that, I just manage to get my homework or my readings done the morning - or half hour - before my classes. I wish I could get on top of it more, although it feels like this is just the nature of full time study with a family. I acknowledge there is space for me to try harder though, so I am not so frazzled all the time. Working on it!

My thrifty husband. I love that he is so responsible and cautious with our financial circumstances. Sometimes his thrift is quite hilarious though.....I like to buy the children dressing gowns or winter PJs for Easter and this year mum bought them PJs and I was buying the dressing gowns. I was talking about it with Michael and of course he said we can't afford it, which was followed by the response 'I will make them myself'. It is the usual response and has been quite a running joke with me, because often it is in response to things he most definitely cannot make!....like when I wanted to buy a wall clock! (Recently instead of getting a new power cord for the laptop, he spent a whole weekend messing around with his power tester, soldering, cutting wires...etc - but by the end of it the cord works brilliantly and you wouldn't even know that he cut an inch if it. He saved some money and was very pleased with himself.)

So dressing gowns. He is most definitely making them. Instead of buying material he has purchased coral fleece blankets from KMart which are far cheaper - queen size for $19. The challenge has grown to making some for his grandchildren as well....7 in total. Currently his 4 down with 3 to go and getting better and better with each one.

Love my super talented husband!

365 Days Of Gratitude: Day 67

Yesterday I was thankful for....

Early morning study time, and the chance to sleep when I am tired. Jack wet the bed, it happens twice a week lately, he is still in training but getting a lot better. Unfortunately afterwards I couldn't get back to sleep - this was at 2am. It was not very useful laying in bed so I got up and did a couple of hours of study. I don't know why I am so productive at that time of morning, I hate that I am, but it works.

The flip side to a super productive morning is that I was exhausted by 11am. Very thankful that all the kids are at school and I get to catch up when I don't get enough sleep. I remember those days too well when they were little and I was constantly exhausted and sleep deprived.....it was awful.

Family time and Psych Pizza Night. Woot!!

365 Days Of Gratitude: Day 66

Yesterday I was thankful for.....

Time with friends. More specifically my best friend, the only person I have even been able to swap shoes with (size 10 too!), my bridesmaid....who helped make my wedding one of the best days of my life....Evette.

I have known Evette for almost 5 years, I cannot believe it has been that long! Our sons were both in Prep together. I had just left my first husband and I was a mess. Withdrawn, ridiculously insecure, anxiety girl. She noticed that my son was wearing a "Huonville Primary School" school jumper and started a conversation with me. She had grown up in Huonville. Of course she was from Tassie, she was the funkiest mum there.

We became instant friends, with the help of our boys being best mates. She watched me heal, listened to me wax long about myself, my future, the men that I dabbled with, drank with me, shared her wisdom, her insecurities, laughed with me....and confirmed my feelings that Michael was most definitely a keeper.

I don't get to see her much. I moved further away and we are both so busy with work/uni/family etc that it is hard to catch up. But when we do, it is awesome and I cherish it, and wish those times were far more frequent.

Yesterday we went op shopping....one shop, piles of clothes - over three hours of girlie awesomeness. We talked and tried on clothes, swapping them above the change room stalls. It was so fun...we must do it again...soon.

We lunched and talked more. I wish we didn't have to pick up the kids, because we probably could have talked all day. Sometimes I wonder if we had unlimited time, how long could we actually talk for? hmmm.....

365 Days Of Gratitude: Day 65

Yesterday I was thankful for....

The coffee shop right outside my lecture theatre. I was exhausted all day, not really sure why. As I was falling asleep doing the readings for my lecture in morning I knew it was going to be bad....Argh! Lectures are bad at the best of times! It is just not my method of learning - I cannot be spoken at for 2 hours and not feel drowsy. How is that going to stimulate my mind!?

Anyway, I was clock watching, pinching myself and trying not to close my eyes for too long, counting the minutes until the halfway break. I was thankfully saved by a decaf skinny mocha, or maybe it was just the act of getting up and walking around.
Whatever.

That was the day I wish I drank coffee....though from experience I am pretty sure caffeine doesn't do anything for me.

Trying not to fall asleep at inappropriate moments is torture! 
(One of my most embarrassing falling asleep moments was an out of office training on a new accounting system 12 years ago. There was only three of us, and this chick was talking on and on....and I was falling asleep, my head lolling everywhere. It was so humiliating!!)

Do you think that means I would be really easy to hypnotise? hmmm

365 Days Of Gratitude: Day 64

Yesterday I was thankful for.....

Just getting through the day. Seriously, 8am lectures....really? I am done just getting the kids off to school....*sigh* hopefully I can get it together by the end of semester.

Being a half decent cook. It stresses me out a bit, trying to think of something - but I am thankful I can bust out a healthy meal with time pressure. Last night it was Spanakopita, out of the oven as I was heading out the door again for a night lecture.

An awesome husband that picks up the slack. When I am busy Michael gets a chance to show his true colours, he is amazing. He hangs out the washing, washes up, sweeps the floor...etc etc awesome, awesome, awesome. I wouldn't be able to study full time without his help.

15min kettlebell workout a friend shared with me. It's fabulous. Weight and cardio at the same - I prefer hard and fast than long workouts. I managed to squeeze it in after uni just before I picked up the kids from the school. Win!

365 Days Of Gratitude: Day 63

Yesterday I was thankful for....

My neck being almost healed.

The motivation to do my Accounting Theory homework. A serious achievement. This subject is brutal.

Another successful tentative attempt at Family Home Evening. During dinner we talked about Easter and I made chocolate chip hot cross buns for dessert - they weren't great....but hey, they were made with love, or haste. Whatever. A bit of both. We followed it all with an episode of "Once Upon a Time". Oh, the moral dilemmas of fairytale characters. Love it!

365 Days Of Gratitude: Day 62

Yesterday I was thankful for....

My husband taking the children to church even though I wasn't going. The stiffness and pain in my neck was worse, I slept terribly during the night. In all honesty though, I was feeling extremely down in spirit as well.

As I was preparing my lesson, everything I read rang true, yet it didn't pierce my heart. I just couldn't feel it. How could I possibly testify of the restoration of the priesthood to my primary class if I didn't feel it? I knew that it was my fault that I wasn't feeling the spirit, and that really depressed me. I couldn't even bring myself to pick up my scriptures.

Michael willing took the children to church without me, which is a blessing in itself. I am grateful for my husband's constancy and that our whole family's spiritual learning doesn't stop because I am having an off day.

Tomorrow being a new day. 

365 Days Of Gratitude: Day 61

Yesterday I was grateful for....

Honestly, I can't really think what happened yesterday - let alone specific things I was grateful for.

I was tired after the night's midnight ice cream indulgence and couldn't get back to sleep. I got up and did a bit of study .Ash was up with me, not being able to get back to sleep after Michael came home either.

Combat. It was hard and my face was red afterward - fabulous!

Arriving home to clean bedrooms and no dishes in the sink. Thanks to Michael for cracking the whip over the kids to get their Saturday chores done.

I fluffed around on www.worldgallery.co.uk and fantasised about what art I wanted in my home.

I do not like many of Gustav Klimt's pieces - but this one is gorgeous!

I had a 20 min nap and woke up with a stiff next.

An opportunity to step outside my comfort zone. I nervously said the opening prayer at a friend's daughters baptism.

It rained constantly.

A home that keeps us safe, dry and warm.

I didn't do any study.

365 Days Of Gratitude: Day 60

Yesterday I was grateful for....

A movie date with my husband. He had an RDO,  and I inadvertently wagged my first Public Law lecture....honestly, read my timetable wrong - thought my tute was my lecture.

We lunched on Subway and watched 'I Give It A Year'....*sigh* it was crap. I was so disappointed because I did want something light and funny, and I love British movies - but this one, don't bother. I am usually so particular with the movies I watch - storyline, content etc. I was waaay wrong with this one.

Still, it was awesome just having a day with Super Stud.



Psych Night!!! Oh yeah! We have been waiting for a year and half for the return of our favourite show.

We all were so excited. I made pizzas and we ate in front of the TV.....it was such a good episode! Now that it is back on, we get to have Psych Night every Friday night. Yay!!

Midnight ice cream treat. Before Michael left for dancing I asked him to bring me an ice cream home with him. I didn't have high expectations, and plus I am always asleep anyway at 1.30-2am! 

But he did.

I had a midnight Maxibon snack....awesome. 

He also relayed a back and forth he had with the 7-11 guy: 

Super Stud: I have to bring my wife home an ice cream or I am in trouble...but in the morning she will be disappointed and complaining about her butt.

7-11 Guy: Yeah, my wife would complain about her butt too. 

Super Stud: But I like her butt the way it is. 

7-11 Guy: Well, if she lost her butt she wouldn't have any boobs, and I like her with boobs.

Super Stud: Yeah, I like my wife with boobs too.

Good to know.

365 Days Of Gratitude: Day 59

Yesterday I was grateful for.....

A crazy awesome workout. I am totally thankful to my girl, Faith, and her crushing weekly workouts. 25mins hard out has me sore in all the right places for a couple of days.

 "You can go hard, or you can go home...."

Beef Stroganoff. It's been awhile since I have made it.

Don't know why though, because it is so so good! 

I like to make mine simply with beef (blade steak bashed with a rolling pin), onion and mushrooms, stock, plain flour, s&p and plain yoghurt - but I discovered yesterday that adding worcestershire sauce adds a super tasty dimension and great colour. Oh yeah - and served with  large shell pasta.

Am I the only that growls at anyone that would dare tip the left over gravy down the sink? Baby, I am having that ish for lunch over pasta!......mmmm

365 Days Of Gratitude: Day 58

Yesterday I was grateful for....

My decision to transfer to a Law/Commerce degree. I love the study of Law far more that I do accounting, and am very glad I went with my gut feeling on that one. Although, I still have no idea what career path I want to take. 

Law is such a diverse field, and I really want to find my niche. 

Something that fits my personality, sparks my passion and has me excited to get up to go to work every most days.  Luckily I have until 2016 to find out! 

Squeezing in a smashing 15mins kettle bell workout. After uni and before school pick up. I felt like a champion.

Having neighbours who, both husband and wife, studied and work in the field of Law....And the opportunity to talk about study and career options with wife when she came over to pick up bread. (I do the charity bread run for the church in our area)