How it started.....
I have been pottering around since the children went back to school...gym/running, basic cleaning, time with myself - but I have felt lonely, entirely unproductive and have not had the desire to do anything greater than that or enjoy the time I had to myself. Although, I must the admit the constant rain hasn't helped - aside from motivating me to mop the floor more often! (There is something about wanting my family to come home to clean floors on rainy days...)
So this morning I was sitting in sacrament meeting praying my frustrated heart out because I wasn't feeling it - and yes, going from yelling to reverence is kinda hard - and I really wanted to be feeling it.
As I partook of the sacrament I was brutally aware of all the things I needed to repent of, and how I felt like I was constantly falling short of the person I wanted and was striving to be. I wanted to grade myself with a big phat "Fail" and my eyes leaked as I listened to the speakers. I knew that I hadn't been trying my best and that I needed to get back on course.
My fervent prays were heard, and the words of the hymns resonated with my soul......The only one I remember is the last....listen to it here
More Holiness Give Me
More holiness give me, more strivings within.
More patience in suffering, more sorrow for sin.
More faith in my Savior, more sense of His care.
More joy in His service, more purpose in prayer.
More gratitude give me, more trust in the Lord.
More zeal for His glory, more hope in His Word.
More tears for His sorrows, more pain at His grief.
More meekness in trial, more praise for relief.
More purity give me, more strength to o'ercome,
More freedom from earth-stains, more longings for home.
More fit for the kingdom, more useful I'd be,
More blessèd and holy, more, Savior, like Thee.
After my little reflective teary, I was able to focus and enjoy the rest of my classes and by the end of church my spirit was lifted, I was happy. And as I type this I have regained again my conviction and zest for life - I have remembered all the things I was wanting to achieve in this little "holiday" before university starts back...and I have promised myself I would not neglect my Visiting Teaching sisters another week even if I am temporarily companion-less!
|Here's to an awesome week ahead!!!|
PS. While we were in church Michael leaned over and inquired as to the origins of my sookiness. When I told him, his response was to remind me of myself two years ago - I remembered, and maybe shuddered a little. I have come a long way since then. I think I will save that memory, for the time again when my eyes are leaking for my inadequacies and failures. I will remind myself how important it is to look back every so often....and see how far I have come.