Monday, April 26, 2010

Holding It All In.....

"ME"- Raw and ain't pretty :)

So I haven't blogged for awhile.....times have been kind of hard and instead of being negative and depressing on occasion I just decided not to 'write'. So was talking to Ms "This Girl Loves To Talk" today and blogs came up - as they do :) and I started feeling a little guilty for holding back - I know I am not the only one struggling from time to time  - but lately I feel like a crazy mum/woman that doesn't have it together at all, and just maybe I suck too much to contribute anything noteworthy to the 'blog world'.....but unfortunately being as brutally open about myself as I am it was bound to come exploding out at some prepare for an 'Elliot Reid Moment' ....(I love Scrubs!)

My face is driving me nuts! - I have been constantly breaking out for the last year and a half and its just not getting better, and I feel intensely self conscious and frustrated. I am seeing a Homeopath to try some homeopathy to clear it up.....(ps don't need any advice on skin, I have heard it all!) The problem with this is, for it to get better it has to get worse - and not just my skin, all the other things that don't feel quite basically I feel like a crazy person! Frustrated, irritable, angry, highly emotional and insecure....all my issues magnified....nice. *sigh*

On Top Of That....

I have an injury that is affecting my running - so I haven't been able to do it much at all....I am putting on weight, despite reasonably good eating habits (my body is awesome like that), which I feel crap about. Haven't had the energy/motivation to keep up my weights training as much either. Trying to maintain a healthy body image is hard - even though I know I am fit and healthy...suffering from the "will he love me anyway?" paranoia in a major way.....all adding to my current frustration....

 And the usual....single mum of three kids (including a 3 year old who just ramped up his assertiveness training!), university and dancing on the side (though not so much of that at the moment) - having a bit trouble telling the difference between my churning emotions and the 'normal' life stresses.

Very minor issues - I wish I had a decent camera, and I want a nice looking blog, having problems finding a layout I like! ....And want to learn html so I can do it myself.

On a good note - Church is fantastic and I have an awesome man in my YAY!

So thats why I haven't been blogging - feeling like a huge loser because I am not coping well.....but I do feel a lot better after that emotional outburst.....:)


  1. I totally get not feeling like you have anything to contribute to the blogging world... I get that too! Also, the skin thing... gah! that alone is enough to send one into a depression. I've had excema my whole life and i'm hoping to get to a homeopath but have been waiting years to be not pregnant or breastfeeding. Bleh. Good luck with life! xoxo P.S. I hope you're not talking about knobhead as the great guy in your life!

  2. woo hoo.... lol... knew I could twist your arm!

    whats up with pimples?? gah... I get them at certain times of them month and I think also more with the pill... honestly .. find some teenager to go annoy I say !!

    Oh and Ken and I love scrubs. Havent watched any in years.. but used to. so funny