Things have not gone my way this week/end and I am not dealing well at all. I put my neck out earlier in the week....I was good to myself, I rested, I heat packed, I got acupuncture, my whole little family was praying for my recovery....I had faith that it would all work out in time.
Well, actually Thursday night was great, I was healing wonderfully and everything was still going as planned. I tried to get up at 5.30am Friday morning - something went, and I was in agony....I could barely move and it was excruciating just to sit up.In that moment, it was over - No Ball, no routine....and I cried. Both for the pain I was in, and in disappointment. Disappointment that all my plans were over and that I was letting my dance partner down....especially that - I hated having to make the call. I cried on and off all day. Yay.
It wasn't just going to a Stake Ball either - there will be plenty more this year all over Brisbane.....It was just a chance for me to be in a social environment with people that I had been going to church with over the past six months - they really don't know anything about me....and they would have got to see me dance with Michael. That sounds really selfish - but its not that I think I am awesome, I just wanted to share something I am totally passionate about.
So anyway - as I said, I am not dealing well - I hate not being able to do things that need doing, I can't just neglect that house, I still have to feed the kids and be a mum.....In saying that, Michael has been wonderful. He took that day off to drive me to all my appointments and to run the errands I needed to do and as I type this he has made pancakes for the kids and is folding my massive mound of washing - he would probably do a lot more if I let him. :)
One thing I have learned, is that I have a tendency to be a whinging b*tch with things aren't going as I have planned. I am terrible, I get angry and irritable at everything. Its not a very pretty personal revelation. *sigh*
As a sit here, packing heat, trying to ignore the filthy floors and to hold my tongue (after already apologising for my snapping at people....again).....I am wondering why? What can I learn from this?.....What does this show me about myself? (aside from the obvious ;) - and its this moment, I am grateful - for the trial, for the pain, for the opportunity my husband has to serve me, and for being forced to stop and acknowledge that as much as I think I can, I can't control everything....and thats ok - its here that I have to learn to roll with the punches, take a break and jump right in again when I am ready.