Saturday, November 27, 2010

The Fear IS Real...Living In Limbo....


My world is an emotional roller coaster at the moment - some days I am like totally happening and productive - and then others....depressed as anything, don't know how I am going to survive moving out with the kids (money, loneliness etc), don't think I will ever go to the temple, cursing my ex for not being involved and leaving me with all the responsibility I am clearly not cut out for....well, you get the picture....and I think I have figured out why its so extreme at the moment....

I am living in limbo,

in this weird phase of time where I honestly I don't have any idea what the future holds for next week, let alone next year....and it is terrifying....it should be exciting, well it kinda is - a little....but I am mostly worried and scared. 

I wish I could explain it better, and I wish there was someone that fully understood the fears that I am facing - it is all feeling so hard right now that I just want to give up (whatever that means....).....though I do know that if I can just get through it'll be good, I will be blessed for my endurance, my hard work etc - its just getting through that I am struggling with....argh!!

This weird separation from M is killing me, and its worse because I initiated it - so what have I got to be upset about. I feel like this big retard that threw everything away...for what? To get to the temple....which is looking like an unattainable mirage to me right now - and I have been trying to so hard and doing so well!

*deep breathe* I guess there is only one thing to do....

Suck it up, get back up and keep going....ugh!

 

2 comments:

  1. Limbo is yucky huh!
    Hang in there, you can do it.
    You are the perfect woman to mother your children, and one baby step at a time you can and will do everything that is needful.
    Getting to the temple is an awesome goal, and it is not an unattainable one, anyone who tells you that you can't do it is talking rubbish. You don't have to be perfect to get there remember! Don't be so hard on yourself, you are doing great.


    <3 Libby

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  2. Comment left by "This Girl Loves To Talk" that for some reason didn't post....:

    I think you are brave. Not sure I could live on my own either.

    answer = marry michael. Get to the temple after :)

    You are brave and can do it. I'm amazed at how far you have come.

    Keep up the good work xx

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