Just watched a fabulous movie - "Motherhood" - its been a while since I have stumbled on a film that is all the things I want it to be - emotionally moving and thought provoking....life changing even.
* * * * *
I actually had a great night with the kids tonight - everyone was out, so it felt (just for a night) like our own home. The kids ate 2 min noodles, cheerios, and yogurt - and me, cheerios (and popcorn and chocolate when they went to bed :) ), I let them get a little crazy. I was involved....and most of all I didn't get cranky. I didn't have anywhere to be, or that I wanted to be - just chilling out with my family....and it was brilliant.
I am kind of looking forward to having no license and being house bound - the chance to get back to where I belong....with my children...even when they are sleeping. I know I have been living a double life (some would say triple...but I am debating that!!) for awhile now. My children have been competing with my 'passions' for attention....and that is not good. They shouldn't have to compete, they should know that they have access to me all the time.
So from now on....
It's more of this.....
and less of this....
and a WHOLE lot more of this....
and a WHOLE lot less of this...
I PROMISE!!
I will still have passions - because they are important....and I know what it is to live without them....but they are not my life - my children are.....Regardless of my situation.
Just to clarify - this post is sounding like I am a hugely neglectful of my children - I am not....I love them more than anything! There is not a single night that passes, no matter what I am doing, that I don't check them before I go to bed, re-tuck them, kiss them and tell them I love them.....
some times it feel like we are on such a schedule! A couple of times i have thought, i am not gonna fight the kids on bath, teeth, hair, bed and i tell ya, its releasing! they end up going ontheir own (too late - but they do) I have done that too, what does it matter if they play silly and squealing in their bedroom - at lteast they are having fun.
ReplyDeleteNow it doesnt happen often, as i am usually too frazzeled by bedtime, that its a don't mess with me mummy - that they dont like. :(
It's nice to get a balance back after a intense time of healing. I think it's great that your parents have given you the support you need to fill your own well again. It'll be easier for here on in to draw from it in order to give to others... including your children. Good for you Tash! I totally love you!!!
ReplyDeleteKids make their Mom's awesome.
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