|This is how I see SuiGeNeRiS (source: I can't remember, its not mine!) - the transformation|
I think waaay to much...so this is my outlet. :)
Why SuiGeNeRiS?... you may (or may not...) have wondered. SuiGeNeRiS is one of the main characters in my ex husbands story. Her name is actually SaRaNa, but when she enters another world - she becomes SuiGeNeRiS - Both a literal and figurative transformation (I will be brief since this is not my story). SaRaNa is shy, insecure and unsure of herself (pretty much me, most of my life) and SuiGeNeRiS (by definition means "unique") is purposeful, confident etc etc....I had SuiGeNeRiS (Sue-jen-air-is) engraved on my wedding ring - and I always had her "transformation" as a personal goal of self development. (Ummm does that sound weird??) Well, I never felt that I would get there, or be worthy of such a character - so in my mind I have still been SaRaNa...
It took a number of things to change my mindset - having the courage to say 'enough' and walk out of a damaging marriage, accepting that it is going to be me and the kids indefinitely and having to plan accordingly (ie going back to university) , and discovering "myself" all over again. In doing so I realised that being SuiGeNeRiS isn't being the perfect woman like I always thought it was....
It is....standing firm in knowing who I am, what I believe in and what I want out of life (for myself and my children)..... I have found that in this personal knowledge there is unlimited power. And when we are powerful we can do anything and we are the heroines in our own story.